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Stretchered off

And so to the national sport and urban deprivation conference in deepest Gorbals. Chief speakers, including Rhona Brankin, the Sports Minister, had spelt out how to fight crime with football etc when a helpful admnistrator strode to the podium.

"Does someone here have a black BMW? They've left their window open."

The man from the Scottish Football Association spotted an own goal and hurriedly departed.

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