To try to stay awake as late as Emmerdale.

Off-the-job training

Doing a white-knuckle ride along the Zambezi should stand you in pretty good stead.

Office of Fair Trading

Don’t worry, everyone knows that your prospectus’s ‘quality counselling’ just means the departmental secretary will lend an ear if she’s not too pushed.

On-line

There’s now no way you can claim that the principal’s mission statement updates have gone astray. Also known as death by e-mail.

On-line delivery

What your business manager in a sunny mood likes to call your teaching. Make sure she switches you off at night.

Open days

Always promise them the earth and a free mobile phone.

Open-ended questions

What’s it all about Alfie?

Open learning

Hope they don’t expect you to come across all avuncular like Michael Caine in Educating Rita. Bet he didn’t have to get through half the syllabus in one hour.

Options

Fading fast.

Organisational restructure

It looks like another massacre of the lottery syndicate. Best to stick to Instants until New Labour gets itself sorted out.

Output

It’s what your business manager has instead of God.

Outreach

They’ve already given you their tired, poor huddled masses, but why stop at this?