Last week footage of Kate Winslet presenting a powerful speech on her experience of bullying while at school was doing the rounds on social media.

In it, she says: “They called me ‘Blubber’. Teased me for wanting to act. Locked me in a cupboard. Laughed at me.” She concludes by urging children today to be “indestructable” and to pursue their dreams undeterred by the judgement of others.

Cue much derision from the mainstream media, with a tidal wave of opinion pieces which can be summarised as: “Get over it, Winslet.”

Katie Glass, who was standing in for professional irritant Camilla Long in The Times, was particularly scathing in her criticism not only of Ms Winslet but of what she perceives to be a trend for making suffering “fashionable”.

Seemingly a fully paid-up member of the school of thought which believes that talking about emotions makes people weak and that most mental health issues are made up, Ms Glass asserts that the bullying Ms Winslet endured couldn’t have been that bad, since she was starring in advertisements by the age of 11 and has enjoyed global stardom since.

Last week, I wrote about happiness. A global study undertaken by scientists sought to find what truly produces happiness in humans. Surprisingly, those things most of us are brainwashed into spending our lives pursuing - money, physical beauty, fame, possessions - did not feature in the list.

Instead, it was found that doing things for their own reward, helping others, regularly changing routines and, crucially, in the context of this story, having a supportive network of friends and family, were the magic ingredients which produce true contentment.

Humans are pack animals. We are not designed for the individualistic and solitary lifestyles many of us now lead. The quickest way to make someone miserable, to rob them of their happiness, is to convince them that they do not belong.

Bullying seeks to isolate people from their tribe in a bid to cause distress and to control them. The long-term impact of this, particularly when it happens during those crucial periods in our brains’ development during childhood or adolescence, is widely documented.

Studies have found that half of adults who were bullied at school go on to exhibit symptoms of depression in later life.

Psychologists now broadly agree on two things: the first is that most of our fundamental psychological programming, including our sense of identity and attachment, is laid down before the age of 7.

The second is that adolescence, during which teenagers experience an unprecedented spike in dopamine, is a period in which nature wants humans to become less dependent on their parents and to establish stronger bonds with their peer groups.

Both of these periods are crucial for our ongoing emotional wellbeing and, while we can deconstruct them, make sense of them and learn to manage their long-term impact in adulthood, they can never truly be “undone”.

Putting together what we know about happiness and what we understand about our mental health during the period when we are at school, it matters not a jot that Ms Winslet is now a talented, celebrated and (presumably) wealthy household name: her pain is real.

The long-lasting impact of bullying

She, unlike many who suffer or have suffered similar taunting, had the resilience to continue to believe in herself, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t still hurt and it certainly doesn’t mean she isn’t entitled to talk about it.

I would never describe myself as having been bullied, although, interestingly, people I went to school with have since told me they think I was.

There are all sorts of reasons for the discrepancies in our memories which are too complex to go into here, but I certainly remember a particular cabal of pupils at our school who were intent on trying to make life as wretched as possible for others through verbal and, occasionally, physical abuse.

One girl (who, incidentally, has since told me that her extensive drug and alcohol addiction problems since leaving school mean that she has no recollection of this) used to punch us somewhere inconspicuous (usually upper arm or thigh) in the hallways and then threaten to kill us if we told anyone.

I don’t ever remember being unduly bothered by this because the attacks on me were random and infrequent, but a friend of mine, who was targeted in a much more specific way, still shakes when she talks about her.

My friend has gone on to do incredible things with her life: she did a stint in a lead role in one of the world’s most famous stage shows at the National; owns her own thriving business; and is regularly featured on television. Yet there have been times when we have been reminiscing about school when I can see she has been immediately transported back to exactly how she felt as a vulnerable teen.

She has been left with an underlying lack of self-worth - something she constantly has to fight to squash - and this makes itself evident in her unmasked moments.

What happens during childhood matters.

Of course, we can all compare Ms Winslet or my friend’s relatively mundane experiences with child soldiers or the starving infants we saw on the television during the Comic Relief telethon last Friday. But most people who do this are also those who would insist that Western women “stop moaning” about equality because in Saudi Arabia they wouldn’t be able to drive.

This is, ultimately, a tool of oppression. Most of us have enough in terms of compassion to care about those less fortunate than ourselves and to simultaneously want things to be better for everyone.

That more people are reporting bullying and subsequent mental health issues categorically does not mean that suffering has become “trendy”. It means that we, as a society, have failed to comprehend the extent and breadth of the problem and its lasting impact.

That bullied people go on to enjoy “success” as defined by our society does not mean the problem does not require attention.

We need more role models like Kate Winslet to give this issue the air time and platform it deserves. 

Natasha Devon is founder of the Body Gossip Education Programme and the Self-Esteem Team and former UK government mental health champion for schools. She tweets as @_NatashaDevon

For more columns by Natasha, visit her back catalogue of articles

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