A leap into the unknown

29th February 2008 at 00:00
If you're a woman who is planning to propose on February 29, do it with dignity, urges Kate

Dear Bex,

"So, me and Graham are getting married."

Annette looks spookily pleased as she says this. If I were her, I'd be shovelling tranquillisers into my mouth and praying for some kind of nuclear apocalypse.

"What, you and Graham from the history department?"

"Yes, me and Graham from the history department."

She smiles beatifically and glugs a mouthful of milky tea.

"But you haven't been going out with Graham from the history department, have you?"

"That's true."

"In fact, as far as I know, you've never even spoken to Graham from the history department. Except for that time he stood on your foot in the school photo and you suggested he crawl into his 'stinking rust bucket of a car and drive it off the nearest cliff'."

Annette shrugs. "Well, we've spoken now. I proposed and he accepted."

"Annette," I cough. "You do know that Graham from the history department lives with his mother, don't you?"

"So what?" she shrugs.

"And you do know he collects fossilised dinosaur poo?"

"I don't see what's wrong with that. It's healthy to have a hobby."

"It's not healthy to talk to it. And stroke it. And give it a name."

"Look, he's explained to me we'll be sharing the marital home with George and the boys, and I'm totally happy with that."

"Who's George?"

"A fossilised pterosaur dung from the Mesozoic era."

At this point, Steve from PE saunters into the staffroom.

"Sorry about earlier, Annette," he says. "It's just I'm having way too much fun to be in a relationship at the moment. Oh, and by the way, Oliver from drama says no too."

I glare at her. "Are you proposing to every man going because it's a leap year?"

She looks at her plimsolls guiltily.

"If you're that desperate, I'll marry you."

"Alright," she grumbles. "But you're doing the housework." And with that she storms off to double French.

Love Kate x.

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