ON THE last day of term at the school at which I am chair of governors we had an after-hours gathering to offer our thanks to a retiring teacher.
Taking blatant advantage of my position of privilege, I stood up and delivered Albert and the Lion - the rhyming monologue most notably performed by the Cockney entertainer Stanley Holloway, one of the stars of the film version of My Fair Lady.
The monologue, you will recall, involves a small boy being swallowed whole by an elderly lion in Blackpool Zoo.
One teacher in particular was so reduced to tears of laughter by the tale, that I had to pause, whereupon the headteacher stood up, pointed an accusing finger at her and cried, "And to think that YOU are in charge of our child protection policy!" Gerald Haigh 13 Derwent Road Bedworth Warwickshire