What can I say? Only two weeks in and already my shiny new pencils are worn to raw stubs and I've got an unexplained muscle twitch running riot under my left eye. Annette from French says it's just stress, but I'm convinced it's fibromyalgia. That would also explain the recurring headaches which aren't in any way connected to the fact I'm drinking up to seven cups of coffee a day.
Big laughs this week as our new head (bless her) has introduced a zero tolerance policy on school uniform. This means no hoodies, no coloured socks and definitely no trainers. Some lad in Year 10 got round this by coming in dressed in a mac and wellies. He looked pretty chuffed with himself. Until Steve from PE made him keep them on for the 400-metre relay.
Bumped into Pete in town. Don't ask. He was in Starbucks, fawning over the new girlfriend. They were both nibbling on paninis and giggling over a stack of photos like something off a Renault Clio advert (honestly it was that disgusting). I had to duck into Mark One to avoid them, then on second thoughts sidled into the doorway of John Lewis. Rationale: if they're going to catch me looking like a creepy stalker, then I at least want to look like a creepy stalker who can afford decent accessories.
Back at school, Annette from French was in full-on doom mode. Apparently we're all for the chop and are bound to be out on our ears by Christmas. "Trust me, we're dead wood. That new head's got a murderous look in her eye," she intoned. "Bit of murdering's what some of those kids need if you ask me..." chuntered Graham from history. I've never seen the staffroom empty so quickly.
Anyway, chuffed to hear all about Kuala Lumpur and your whopping tax-free salary. And don't worry, when you're freezing to death in a granny flat in Peterborough because you've forgotten to pay your teacher's pension, I'll save a few coals for you. That's if I can spare the time between Caribbean cruises, of course.
Lots of love,