Builders sometimes say rude words if they're very cross. No, Dino, teachers don't say words like that, and there's no need for everyone to repeat it

4th June 2004 at 01:00
Now then, Year 2. Simon wants to know why we're at the building site when we're supposed to be doing our Sats. Well, here's a surprise. We are doing our Sats! The clever people who make the tests said we could look at a building being repaired, and then write about it.

A building site is a dangerous place. That's why we're all wearing these funny caps called hard hats. Damon, why are you wearing six hard hats? Well, even if Sonia, Alan, Amran, Charlie and Susan did feel a little uncomfortable in theirs, it doesn't mean you can wear them all. Freddie, yours is the wrong way round. No wonder you can't see anything. Whoops.

It's called a scaffolding pole, Freddie. Hold your breath and count to 10, and you won't feel so dizzy.

Remember, we must be careful not to disturb the builders, because they're working very hard. The builders are those men over there, Ramon. That's right, the ones showing their bums. No, showing their bums isn't part of their job, and I'm afraid you can't show yours, even though you want to be a builder when you grow up. No, builders don't have to show their bums.

They have energetic jobs and their trousers slip. No, teachers never show their bums. Their job is quite different.

Be very careful, everybody, as we walk around. Mitchell, catch up with Mrs Dobbins and hold her hand very tightly. Because we don't want to lose you.

Because we lost you in the park, didn't we? When you were hiding behind that big tree and you kept moving round it so we couldn't see you. Yes, we were very, very worried. No, we didn't think you were dead, we were just very worried.

Sebastian, I think you should stay with Mrs Dobbins too. Why can't you walk? Well, where is your shoe? Yes, I can see you've got one shoe, but where's the other one? I did say that building sites are very muddy places, didn't I. Now we'll have to get it out of that big puddle. No, there aren't any crocodiles in the puddle. Crocodiles only live in very hot countries.

Perhaps we can find a big stick to lift it out of the mud. Yes, the string with the funny weight at the end might do the trick, but I think it belongs to that builder with the very red face. Well, I expect it's red because he couldn't find his piece of string with the weight at the end. Yes, I'm sure he did say a rude word. Builders sometimes say rude words if they're very cross. No, Dino, teachers don't say words like that, and there's no need for everyone to repeat it. Well, Mrs Simpson might have said a rude word, Graham, but that was when you were sick over her new shoes.

Rajid, get down! Yes, I am shouting. It's because you shouldn't be at the top of a ladder. See if you can come down as carefully as you went up.

You're right, Janine, my voice does sound shaky. Carefully RajidI yes, I'm sure you can do two steps at a time like your dad, but he's a clever window cleaner. You just do one VERY SMALL step at a time. Sorry, I shouted again.

No, I promise I'm not trying to frighten you. All right then, we won't look. We'll all close our eyes.

Dear me, who drew all these silly pictures in the wet cement while we had our eyes closed? Yes, Atunde, there are lots of builders with very red faces now, aren't there. Mrs Dobbins, children, I think it's time for us to leave the building site now. Yes Billy, as quickly as we possibly canI Mike Kent is head of Comber Grove primary, London borough of Southwark.

Email: mikejkent@aol.com

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