Here's a fact about Cooper's Hill, the site of Gloucestershire's annual cheese-rolling spectacular. It's steep. Steeper, indeed, than the price of a Starbucks coffee or J.Lo's forehead. So any bumpkin witless enough to take part can count on getting hurt.
The rules are simple: great lumps of Double Gloucester are tossed over a cliff edge just outside the village of Brockworth, precipitating a mad scramble downhill that normally results in pulped ankles, mangled wrists, and tears of despair from any passing health and safety inspector.
To win you have to catch the cheese or, more likely - since the wheel-shaped slices of Double Gloucester can reach speeds of up to 70mph - make it to the bottom before your human competitors without losing a limb.
The event is on Bank Holiday Monday. First prize is the cheese and second prize is a tenner, which might seem a feeble reward for risking your life in pursuit of a runaway dairy product. But then, that's rural festivals for you. Technically speaking, you'd be better off staying at home and beating yourself on the knee with a hammer while sniffing Dairylea. But, as I'm sure the organisers would tell you, that'd spoil the fun