Cheltenham Science Festival
Sadly though, these are precisely the kind of views that won't be finding expression at the Cheltenham Science Festival (June 4-8, tickets free to pound;15). Instead, scientific big brains such as Robert Winston and rent-an-infidel Richard Dawkins will be congregating to discuss meaty issues such as DNA research, with barely a mention of human-baboon hybrids.
There'll also be promising sideshows from the likes of Richard Hammond ("the science of cars" ... although this may be familiar to anyone who's ever taken a driving test) and Tony Robinson, cashing in on that interminable bone-bothering that Time Team viewers find so fascinating.
Also on the line-up are "the science of cocktails" and "Sperm Warfare: an entertaining exploration into the devious tricks used by cells, organs and bodies to win the race to fertilisation", taking place in the saucy environs of Cheltenham Town Hall.