Cool Malcolm

25th February 2000 at 00:00
WOULD you like to be cool? Want to work in a cool school? Then - hey! - have we got the job for you.

The Diary's eye is inescapably drawn to a primary advertising for a deputy head in this very organ. "Cool School" is the headline, and who could resist that?

The copy below doesn't entirely make the case ("We're expert in school improvement" - hmm, yes. Hit me, daddy-o) so we ring headteacher Alyson Brewer to learn more.

"Oh yes, we're very cool," she says breezily and tells us about the international atmosphere ( 23 nationalities represented among the pupils) and the Millennium disco, which sounds like the most happenng happening since Jack hung out with Neil and the rest of the Beats.

Best of all, the kids call the staff by their first names - shades of Summerhill. Such style has clearly impressed the inspectors - the school is rapidly coming off special measures (now that is cool). And the ad has done the trick - three "strong" candidates shortlisted.

There's only one thing that detracts from the image of black polo-neck cool, and that's the name of the school: Malcolm. Malcolm primary. In Penge, deepest suburban Bromley. Other than that, the Diary doffs its beret and cocks a respectful eyebrow behind its shades. Hep hep.

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