1. If anyone should faint, put her head between the knees of the nearest medical man.
2. Later on, the doctor gave him piles to relieve the pain.
3. Although the patient had never been fatally ill before, he woke up dead.
4. A phlegmatic person is one who has chronic bronchitis.
5. To see if a limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth.
Taken from Must Try Harder! The Very Worst Howlers by Schoolchildren. Published by Constable Robinson. www.constablerobinson.com.