Edna Krabappel

29th June 2001 at 01:00
What's teaching got to do with it? The Simpsons' Edna Krabappel is far too preoccupied with men to worry about lessons - unless it's sex education class

Who is she?

Call her two-dimensional if you will, but Edna Krabappel has done for teaching what Homer Simpson's done for the nuclear power industry.

What, given the impression we're all lazy, fat, doughnut-eating slobs?

No, she's made the profession sexy. Edna's even shown that a teacher can turn up in blue pumps, unfortunate hair and a brown cardy and yet still get her man (never mind that it's only a quick fumble with Principal Skinner in the broom closet). As for that photo she sent her penpal...

Hot stuff?

Every schoolboy's fantasy: his form teacher posing on a bed in exotic black lingerie. Seized by a moment of uncharacteristic nobility (or maybe by his mother) young Bart didn't pass this particular Polaroid around the fourth grade. But Homer hasn't missed a parents' evening since.

So where's Mr Krabappel?

According to Mrs K, he followed a younger bunny down the rabbit hole several years ago, leaving her with an automobile that doesn't work properly and a lifetime of unsatisfactory sexual encounters with Springfield's oldest virgin, Seymour Skinner, not to mention the lurid attentions of bearded Scots pervert, Groundskeeper Willy.

And is she bitter?

Not entirely. Part of Edna's charm is that, despite the cigarette haze and Chef Lonelyheart TV dinners, she has managed to retain a toehold in optimism. Mind you, while viewing a sex education video with her class recently, the lady was overheard to remark: "She's faking it."

So there is no regular male in Mrs K's life?

Only Bart, who has an unbroken record of being kept behind after class. Mrs Krabappel once admitted that this terminal renegade was the nearest thing to a man in her life.

Surely there are some single men in Springfield?

Nope. Well, only Barney Gumble, who may or may not be married. He hasn't been sober long enough the past 20 years to remember. Miss Hoover, who teaches Bart's brainy sister Liza, once called her "the kind of PC thug who stops women like us finding husbands".

Are you sure this series fosters a positive image of the profession?

Well, the groundskeeper was arrested for video-taping couples in cars; the chief dinner lady is a former Nazi; bullies like Nelson and Curly terrorise the students; the school bus driver is high on an unnamed substance and touped headteacher Seymour Skinner lives in daily fear of his mother. But don't worry, this kind of thing only happens in America.

Yeah right Adrian Mourby

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