The Five Best ... Fake education headlines

22nd May 2009 at 01:00

1. School told to accept demon-possessed child

"The headmaster complained they could not cater for the specific needs of satanic pupils or get the bed she was tied to through classroom doors."

2. Inspectors slam first Jedi faith school

"Very few pupils are staying on in the Upper Sith."

3. School to be allowed to advertise on children

"Children are having popular brand names tattooed on their foreheads, which is bringing in much-needed revenue for the cash-strapped school."

4. Non-wizards offered Hogwarts in school admissions row

"Schools Secretary Ed Balls says: 'Parents should keep an open mind about city academies that specialise in magic.'"

5. Father of child prodigy admits his son 'probably deserves to be bullied'

"He's a patronising little git at times, to be honest."

Taken from the satirical website News Biscuit

Email with suggestions for this column.

Log-in as an existing print or digital subscriber

Forgotten your subscriber ID?


To access this content and the full TES archive, subscribe now.

View subscriber offers


Get TES online and delivered to your door – for less than the price of a coffee

Save 33% off the cover price with this great subscription offer. Every copy delivered to your door by first-class post, plus full access to TES online and the TES app for just £1.90 per week.
Subscribers also enjoy a range of fantastic offers and benefits worth over £270:

  • Discounts off TES Institute courses
  • Access over 200,000 articles in the TES online archive
  • Free Tastecard membership worth £79.99
  • Discounts with Zipcar,, Virgin Wines and other partners
Order your low-cost subscription today