For the entertainment of our younger readers, Harrass Productions presents Scooby-Doo in Glasgow.
The scene: a dark, deserted street somewhere in Glasgow. Scooby-Doo and the gang are driving in the Mystery Machine, which suddenly splutters to a halt.
Daphne: "What's wrong, Fred?"
Freddie: "I guess we're out of fuel."
Velma: "We'll never find a gas station at this time of night. Let's ask for help at that creepy old school."
(They walk to the school. Freddie knocks on the door, which is opened by Mr Smedley the gaunt, white-haired caretaker.) Freddie: "Excuse me sir, our van's run out of gas and we need somewhere to stay for the night."
Mr Smedley: "Well, ye can bide here . . . but watch out for the ghost pupils!"
Shaggy: "Gh-ghost pupils!"
Scooby: "R-rhost pupils?"
Velma: "We have some experience solving ghost mysteries, sir. Perhaps we can help."
Freddie: "Right! The girls and I will search the classrooms. Shag and Scoob - you take the gym hall and the canteen."
Scooby: (shakes head) "Uh-oh".
Daphne: "Will you do it for a Scooby snack?"
Daphne: "Two Scooby snacks?"
Daphne: "A chip roll, a Mars Bar and a Sunny-D from the cannie?"
(Shaggy and Scooby go to the canteen. As they eat their chip rolls, a ghostly apparition hands Scoby a bottle of Sunny Delight.) Scooby: "Rank-you!" (notices ghost) "Ooooh! Yageeeeeee! A rhost pupil! A rhost pupil!"
(Shaggy and Scooby run through the school pursued by the ghost pupils. They continually pass the school office, the head's room, a barber's shop and a drugstore.) Freddie: "What's going on?"
Velma: "It's Shag and Scoob. They're being chased by the ghost pupils."
Freddie: "I have a plan."
(He concocts an elaborate trap involving Scooby, a unicycle and an out-of hours learning project centred around circus skills. The ghost pupils don't fall for it but somehow end up trapped in a large net anyway.) Velma: "Now let's see who our ghost pupil really is." (She unmasks the ghost.) All: (gasp) "It's Mrs McTogle, the headteacher!"
Caretaker: "Dinnae tell the polis or the cooncil! She only did it to get extra resources and staffing."
Mrs McTogle: "And if it hadn't been for you meddling kids . . ."
Velma: "Wait! Don't say that bit yet. Why don't we all enrol in the school then not inform anyone when we go back to America! You can simply tell your staff to mark us absent until further notice."
Mrs McTogle: (points to Scooby) "What, enrol him too?"
Daphne: "Sure! Nobody needs to know he's a dog."
Mrs McTogle: "Thanks to you meddling kids I might just get away with it!"