Oscar Wilde once said the world can be divided into two classes: those who believe the incredible, and those who do the improbable. Cheese-lovers know mankind can be divided according to a simpler formula: those who like cheese and those who don't.
It's a fair bet the men and women of the Great British Cheese Festival fall into the former category. Either that or their two-day artery-busting extravaganza, which kicks off in Oxfordshire tomorrow, is an act of masochism on a scale never before seen. Every cheese-related activity under the Sun is here, from cheese tasting to cheese classes to cheese-tossing (an indispensable part of the cheese-making process, not the specialist section at Blockbuster).
The festivities are billed as "an awesome sight, bursting at the seams with more than 100 cheesemakers, offering more than 450 cheeses to taste and buy."
And as if that wasn't enough, there are bands, and a food market selling fish pies and wine, in case the relentless repetition of the word "cheese" leaves you feeling a bit green around the gills.
There is, then, no excuse not to turn up at Millets Farm Centre in Frilford, on the dot of nine, wielding the biggest cracker the world has ever seen.
Come on, you know you want to. If nothing else, it will cheese off your vegan chums. Visit www.thecheeseweb.com for more information.