Honey, I shrunk the janny
Fast Eddie has lost more than 50lbs since November, encouraged by pupils who have sponsored him during his battle against the bulge - he originally weighed in at 19 stone.
Among the activities at the week-long fayre were yoga, keepy-uppy and beach vlleyball (in Motherwell, in March? - Ed). The Incredible Shrinking Janny of Dalziel did none of these. He reduced his waistline thanks to a regime involving "a simple diet and mild exercise".
His campaign to shed even more pounds was preserved for posterity by the media covering the fayre who were invited to meet Eddie "as he loses weight for charity", a task almost equivalent to watching paint dry.