How to meet the inspectors - and survive

20th December 1996 at 00:00
From David Gower

On the first day of our Office for Standards in Education inspection last week, I unwrapped a surprise gift from my daughter. Inside was a box containing the complete OFSTED survival kit. Not only was it good to know someone was thinking of me at a time of stress, it must have worked because we have been promised an excellent report.

The complete OFSTED survival kit includes:

* clean handkerchief (when your embarrassment is too great);

* pencil case (when none of your pens are working);

* toy trumpet (who else will blow the head's?);

* Mars bar (to keep the energy levels boosted);

* bubble mixture (for a little light relief);

* key ring (a talking point when words fail);

* tin of five chocolate bars (a treat a day);

* silver coins (for a little bribery and corruption);

* Rennie tablets (when your stomach is joining in the conversation);

* matches (for a few bright sparks);

* pocket solitaire (to while away those anxious moments)

* plasters (to gain a little extra sympathy)

* notebook (to record all those good things they said);

* pair of spectacles (to enable you to view things through rose-coloured glasses);

* storybook (a little relaxing reading);

* ball of string (for tying up unruly pupils, teachers and inspectors)

* bottle of whisky (for medicinal purposes, of course);

* plastic tumbler (for when you're drinking apple juice);

* marbles (to replace any that get lost);

* toy shark (named OFSTED; will bite if not properly attended to).

DAVID GOWER Headteacher, Kingsway High School, Kingsway, Newton, Chester, Cheshire.

Subscribe to get access to the content on this page.

If you are already a Tes/ Tes Scotland subscriber please log in with your username or email address to get full access to our back issues, CPD library and membership plus page.

Not a subscriber? Find out more about our subscription offers.
Subscribe now
Existing subscriber?
Enter subscription number

Comments

The guide by your side – ensuring you are always up to date with the latest in education.

Get Tes magazine online and delivered to your door. Stay up to date with the latest research, teacher innovation and insight, plus classroom tips and techniques with a Tes magazine subscription.
With a Tes magazine subscription you get exclusive access to our CPD library. Including our New Teachers’ special for NQTS, Ed Tech, How to Get a Job, Trip Planner, Ed Biz Special and all Tes back issues.

Subscribe now