If you want to ingratiate yourself with Catholic secondary heidies, you need mention only slip in a reference to Henrik the Great and you captivate your audience.
HMI Lachie McCallum knew the score by confessing that this was his first outing for some time since he was recovering from a five-a-side football injury - ruptured Achilles' tendon, if you must know - after a foul from behind.
"Reactions have varied," McCallum revealed, "from 'poor soul' to 'silly old goat', depending on your view about middle-aged men and eternal youth.
Looking round, I am expecting sympathy from 80 per cent of the audience."
(An underestimate, Lachie.) At the moment of his fearful injury, McCallum - Dundee United fan, to be precise - was wearing for the first time a fine yellow shirt with the name of Larsson emblazoned on the back. A good friend in the Swedish inspectorate had presented it to him for Christmas.
With his audience now awake, McCallum said: "Having had some time subsequently to reflect on the values of citizenship and sport, I have decided that once I start playing again, there will definitely be a follow through - very hard and from behind."