My worst parent - Joker creates quite a buzz

17th September 2010 at 01:00

Kyle had become one of my Year 7 student niggles: lunchtime detentions here and there and all his teachers telling me about his antics. I met his mother on several occasions and it was always "Not my Kyle." She said his detentions were for all sorts of "silly stuff", or "I've had me belly-full of you lot". I took this in my stride and said perhaps we should meet after school one evening. It did not go well as she appeared with three children under five, a buggy and sausage rolls. But the school agreed that only I would contact her, to stop all the phone calls from his subject teachers.

Within a week an incident occurred during a lesson with a very naive NQT. It was her first time teaching a PSHE lesson about safe sex. For the first time, Kyle had been a star pupil and knew just about everything there was to know. But as the red-faced NQT explained, at the end of the lesson she had found Kyle with a vibrator thrumming its way along the bench.

I had waited for this moment. I asked Miss Hill, the NQT, to stay in my office while I made a phonecall to his mum.

"Hello, is that Mandy Smith? I have Miss Hill here regarding something in the sex education lesson today."

"Oh? What you after him for now?"

"Mrs Smith, Kyle has been demonstrating how a vibrator works in the lesson. It is silver ... ". At that point there was silence followed by a tirade of expletives explaining what she would do to Kyle when he got home. And then: "Can I come and pick it up? It's been missing for a week."

I got her to agree to a meeting with just her and her boyfriend straight away. It was months before I had to see Kyle again.

The writer is a former teacher from North Yorkshire. Send your worst parent stories to and you could earn #163;50 in MS vouchers.

Log-in as an existing print or digital subscriber

Forgotten your subscriber ID?


To access this content and the full TES archive, subscribe now.

View subscriber offers


Get TES online and delivered to your door – for less than the price of a coffee

Save 33% off the cover price with this great subscription offer. Every copy delivered to your door by first-class post, plus full access to TES online and the TES app for just £1.90 per week.
Subscribers also enjoy a range of fantastic offers and benefits worth over £270:

  • Discounts off TES Institute courses
  • Access over 200,000 articles in the TES online archive
  • Free Tastecard membership worth £79.99
  • Discounts with Zipcar,, Virgin Wines and other partners
Order your low-cost subscription today