The old ones are the best
Dame: "Every time I'm down in the dumps, I buy myself a new hat."
Comic: "I wondered where you got them from."
Dame: "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you."
Comic: "Yes, and three hates are 24."
Dame: "You remind me of the sea."
Comic: "Do you mean rough on top, but smooth and calm underneath?"
Dame: "No, you make me sick!"
Comic: "You know what happens to people who don't keep their promises?"
Dame: "No, what?"
Comic: "They become Members of Parliament."
When a double act plays the Ugly Sisters in Cinderella, one may act as stooge or "straight man" to the other - or they may share the punch lines.
First Ugly Sister: (looking in hand mirror) "Arrgh! Who's that?"
Second Ugly Sister: (taking mirror and looking in it) "Why, that's me."
First Ugly Sister: "Thank goodness. I thought it was me."
First Ugly Sister: (trying on glass slipper): "I can't get my foot in this crystal slipper."
Second Ugly Sister: "You couldn't get your foot in the Crystal Palace."