Richard Knights offers a job-seeker's guide to the classified ads

4th August 2000 at 01:00
Anyone who has ever moved house will be familiar with estate agents' jargon. "In need of some repair", for instance means "falling to bits". Well, as the job-hunting season kicks off in earnest, here is a useful guide to some phrases you might encounter - followed by their true meanings.

Idyllic rural location - Miles from anywhere

The Ofsted report highlighted many strengths - Whatever you do, don't read the whole report

High parental involvement - You can never get rid of them after school

Children sometimes display challenging behaviour - The kids are out of control

We have a strict discipline code - See above

Dynamic, innovative and creative teacher wanted - The head's a slave-driver

Must be resourceful and inependent - You'll never see the head

Stable group of staff - All over 50, can't wait to retire

NQTs welcome - We've got no money

Improving school - Failed Ofsted

Child-centred school - No longer applies

Expanding school - Huge classes

Must have good inter-personal skills - The last teacher was hated by all the staff

. . . would be an advantage - . . . absolutely essential

Good sense of humour an advantage - The head's mad

Must have good organisational skills - You'll be filling in forms every night

Experienced teacher required - We've had a load of NQTs who couldn't hack it

Challenging inner-city school - Fort Apache the Bronx

Richard Knights is a teacher in Knowsley, Merseyside

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