Somewhere over the rainbow and fluffy dice ...
Glottal stops, high-rise flats, Ford Escort GTIs with go-faster stripes: Essex does have a certain notoriety. It's a place where Denise van Outen could blend in to the background, where blaggers go to retire if they can't afford the Costa de Sol and teachers have to explain that "salriteinnit" is usually five words.
But such a one-dimensional view of the county misses the interesting bits. East of Chelmsford, on the River Blackwater, explorers will find the treat that is Maldon. Geographers will appreciate the richness of the landscape while historians will know of the battle in 991 when Byrhnoth, an Anglo-Saxon ealdorman, was cut down by Vikings.
Byrhnoth's thegns disdained flight and chose to die alongside their lord, a decisionhonoured in a stirring epic poem of the time. "Thoughts must be braver, hearts more valiant, courage the greater as our strength grows less."
The Plume serves Maldon and the surrounding area. It has 1,750 pupils on its roll and a large sixth form. Headteacher Sarah Dignasse is looking for a well-qualified geography teacher who is able to cover the 11-18 age range. She is a keen skier, so the successful candidate could give an impromptu class on the finer points of glaciation and geomorphology on one of the school's regular trips to the Alps.
Essex offers a relocation package to tempt people to move. If you insist, I'm told the local motor accessories dealer does a nice line in furry dice. For more job details, call 01621 854681 or e-mail email@example.com Phil Revell