24th July 1998 at 01:00
* Once again Miss England was faced with a hall full of students eager to hear what they thought they already knew about safer sex. She carefully explained the pluses and minuses of various contraceptive methods and devices, displaying samples as she proceeded. From experience, she knew the benefits of leaving the prophylactic to last.

As she began talking about it, she realised that the sample was not where she expected it to be. She searched her various boxes, before calling out to one of the teachers at the back of the room: "Where's the one we used last time, Mr Scott?" A titter from one girl soon became uncontrollable laughter. Miss England realised her faux pas, blushed and retired to the staffroom.

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