* A Year 6 exercise about flags tied in with the recent Eurovision Song Contest. I held up a picture of the Union Jack and was informed by one pupil that it was the Spice Girls' flag. This fact was confirmed by 30 per cent of the class.
* Many of my pupils often moan about some of our bizarre English spellings. Young Simon thought his spelling of "continyoued" made much more sense than the real thing.
* Abigail, six, was watching TV. Suddenly she announced: "I need more valium." Surprised by this apparent early manifestation of drug dependency, her parents asked what she meant. "More valium," she insisted. "You know - louder."