* As we set out for the return journey at the end of a school trip to France, Matthew handed his holdall to the driver. It was empty. Then he handed over five carrier bags. "Why have you bought all these bags?" the driver asked.
"My mum told me to put all my dirty washing in carrier bags," he explained.
* Simon, 11, is expecting a chilly reception this month: "It's a big jump going to Year 7 and it's a lot harder work at the ice-school."
MATTHEW HUTCHINSON * My daughter was explaining the finer details of the forthcoming infant sports day. "And if you win," she said, "they give you a courgette."