Soundbites

24th January 2003 at 00:00
A young pupil ended her story about a shipwreck with: "The lifeguard carried her to the beach and gently raped her in a blanket."

SANDRA GATWARD, DORSET

My 10-year-old asked her elder sister, who had just sat her mock GCSEs:

"When do you get the results of your fake exams?"

JANEY HEWITT

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