31st March 2000 at 01:00
* Our school is undergoing some major rebuilding as our ancient office block is demolished to make way for a new, purpose-built brick and stone structure. The work is the focus of attention for all of the pupils at break times. Recently, the builders broke into the water system, exposing the drains from the toilets for all to see - albeit from behind high security fences. It did not take long for the source of the water to become obvious to the crowd of onlookers and one by one the children disappeared only to reappear grinning by their viewing "platform" a few moments later. Intrigued, I enquired as to what they wereenjoying. "Pooh sticks, Sir."

STEPHEN BURRAGE * Overheard in the school office: An irate parent storms in to see the head on one of the rare occasions when he is teaching. She then demands to see a deputy, who is also teaching. Disgruntled, she then demands access to the head of year, who is teaching. Thoroughly disgusted, she glares at the office staff: "That's the trouble with this bloody school - they're always bloody teaching."

MARIE ROBSON We pay pound;30 for each Soundbite published. Send yours to Jill Craven, The TES, 66-68 East Smithfield, London E1W 1BX. Or e-mail her at:

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