12th May 2000 at 01:00
* A few years ago, I was teaching science at a small prep school. During a lesson about the carbon cycle, I explained how animals decayed when they died. One boy asked: "Do dead people decay when they are buried?" "Yes," I replied. With a horrified look on his face he said: "In that case I'm not going to be buried when I die. I'm going to be castrated."

M ATKINSON * The following letter was received from a parent the day after her parentteacher consultation. "While at shool last night, I noticed that Mandy's plimsolls are too small for her. Please can she leave them off today. Also, I never have Mandy's PE kit come home. Mandy says it is washed at school. I just want to make sure that this is the case."

SARA-JANE LOVELL * A group of four-year-olds were playing at the water tray. "What do you think will happen if you fill the boat up with water," I asked.

"I don't know until I find out," replied Terry.


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