* Overheard in a Year 10 PSE lesson.
Teacher's voice: "Can anyone tell me what conception means?" Girl's voice: "It's what happens if you don't eat enough fibre."
* I was on playground duty when one of our reception children approached me:
"Jordan's off today, Mr Roffey."
"Is se?" I replied. "Do you know what's the matter with her?" "She's gone to hospital to get an infection," was the solemn reply.
* Me: "Did you take Shaun's crisps?" Darren: "No, Sir. They were just lying on a desk, so I put them in my bag in case someone nicked them."