l Just before Christmas, the head told the children in assembly that Mr Chard (that's me, the school caretaker) would also be a school meals assistant in the new year. As I was leaving that day, a Year 4 pupil asked me: "Are you going to be a dinner lady after Christmas?" "I can't be a dinner lady because I'm a man," I said. "Yes you can. You can have a transplant."
* I was handing out the school copies o Goodnight Mr Tom to my Year 6 class, aware that some had their own editions at home. One such boy said, very seriously: "This is by the same person who wrote mine."
* Teaching key skills - communication - to adult construction craft students, I started to address sentence structures. "What do you think a sentence is," I asked. One of the students quickly answered: "Three months?" PETER JONES