HEY, you, boy... Woodhead isn't it?! A quick word in my office if you don't mind... Yes, now... I know that strictly speaking you've left the education establishment but this will only take a minute.
Now then, it seems that since leaving you've had a lot to say for yourself. You can wipe that silly smile off your face because frankly the teachers are not pleased with you at all! You do realise that you were lucky I Take your hands out of your pockets and stand up straight! I very lucky indeed not to be expelled when Mr Blunkett took over?
We all hoped that when you left, that would be the last we'd ear of you ... but now it seems you've been boasting about your disgraceful record!... Be quiet, I haven't finished!... Boasting in a national newspaper, no less! Criticising all and sundry! It won't do, Woodhead! Have you any idea of the damage you've caused over the past six years? ... What do you mean it wasn't your fault?... How dare you try to blame everyone else? It's time you faced reality and pulled your socks up my lad! ... Now get out and let's not hear another word ... and for goodness sake get a sensible haircut!
109 Finkle Street
Cottingham, East Yorkshire