Sweet FE

13th February 1998 at 00:00
Parental choice:

Never forget that (unfortunately) they have one.

Participation rates:

Weary carcasses happy to find a resting place.

Partnerships:

Two ailing, bankrupt and desperate bodies are better than one.

Part-time lecturers:

Sans holiday pay, sans pension, sans everything except a jolly good

scapegoat at inspection time.

Part-time students:

Don't say this sounds like most of yours, it's getting boring.

Pay awards:

Think of a number, divide it by 10, then forget it completely.

Pay structures:

More loops than Spaghetti Junction, more hold-ups than the M25.

Peak enrolment times:

Here's hoping.

People management:

Yes, they're not robots.

Performance indicators:

The possession of minimal body functions by the end of a typical week?

Permanent post:

Well, until the next Public Expenditure Round, that is.

Planning:

Don't laugh.

Population of UK:

Out of 60 million people there aren't 40 who want to do cake decoration

(advanced).

Post-Dearing:

Read his lips.

Post-16 provision:

Look, it's either us, McDonald's or Calvin Klein.

Pre-incorporation days:

When that Portakabin was empty?

Principal:

Corporate high-flyer, pedagogic genius or local paper photo-opportunist?

Pro-active:

Standing in a shopping mall presenting a two-year-old Teletubbies fan with

a prospectus.

Professional:

Tell yourself that you're extensively trained, have years of experience and

loads of potential, because no one else will.

Programme leader:

The one holding the ring binders.

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