He's back, fighting off Daleks and wheelie bins to save mankind - oops, wrong superhero. Who cares about the long-awaited return of Dr Who when you can have the long-awaited return of Chris Woodhead, the teachers' scourge?
Briefly feared extinct, the giant-crested Woodhead has returned with its characteristic cry of "No political correctness!" In a few dizzying months he has bought a chain of private schools, taken up teacher training, declared caning "did me no harm" and, in a cunning Tory electoral gambit, is creating a new national curriculum. (Not going for the teacher vote then, Mr Howard?) His politically-incorrect version of the geography curriculum? Lots of capital cities and no global-warming nonsense. So vote for Woodhead's credo, and your grandchildren will confidently pinpoint where the great cities were before the sea levels rose ... but have no idea why they are submerged. Welcome back, Chris.