True confessions

1st October 2004 at 01:00
I don't want want to become the kind of teacher who... wakes up every Saturday wondering where my car is and how I got home the night before.

It made my day when... No, let's put it this way: it "will" make my day when I get through my first whole day's teaching without having to write a single name on the board for bad behaviour.

Senior managers don't know it, but... I do sometimes chew gum while I'm walking through the school corridors.

I couldn't keep a straight face when... a Year 8 boy did a very good impersonation of me as I walked behind him in the corridor and I saw the look on his face as I quietly overtook him, flashing him an evil "I'll speak to you later" stare. I'm saving the consequences for much later in the term.

I'm not looking forward to... marking mock exam papers for my two Year 11 classes during the Christmas break - and then having to give them back, and to face their moans when they see their dreadful marks.

I'd never live it down if... people at school knew that I once appeared topless on a poster advertising a raunchy play at an alternative theatre space.

I'd really like to tell the headteacher... not to keep sending me postcards, no matter how pretty they are - and just come up to me and "tell" me if he thinks I'm doing well.

I honestly believe that... school has changed very little since I was there as a pupil.

At the beginning of the week I look forward to... not being first up and out of the house come Saturday morning.

My friends think... I have either a) emigrated without leaving a forwarding address, b) lost my address book and my mobile phone, c) joined a cult that requires you to denounce your former life, d) won the lottery and avoiding sharing my millions or e) fallen out with them all. Why? Because I haven't seen them for an entire year.

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