2nd February 2001 at 00:00
STRANGE goings-on at that most surreal and small of teacher unions, the Professional Association of Teachers. The union that gave us proposals to train dogs as classroom assistants, informs us that it has become the focus of a bizarre hate campaign co-ordinated by a French secret society called the Prieure de Sion, guardians of the Holy Grail.

"It's all to do with the Knights Templar," explains general secretary Kay Driver, wo is leaving to become head of the British Horse Society. Details of the dark conspiracy would require a page and geometric diagrams to describe, but suffice it to say that the union has been receiving off-the-wall threats from one "Berenger Sauniere", a 19th-century French priest who is reputed to have amassed a fortune blackmailing the Catholic Church about some obscure texts he found in a hollow pillar in his church.

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