I knew I'd become a teacher when... I first uttered the lie that "It's only your break time you're wasting" while I spent my break time keeping children in.
My school is... a must for all local politicians who want to show that they are doing something about local schools. Unfortunately, the windows still leak in the rain, the boiler only works a three-day week and the suspended ceiling can best be described as "blowing in the wind".
Staffroom politics is... still a mystery to me. I think this as I put my aromatic fish dish in the microwave for 17 minutes. Five infant teachers all clutching Weight Watchers ready meals look on with vexed faces. I wonder what has been upsetting the infant staff, as I toss my pots into the sink and return to class to read the paper.
In five years' time I'd like to be... the first British player to win Wimbledon since Virginia Wade. That reminds me, I must buy a tennis racket - and some tennis balls - and some trainers.
One day, I'll tell the head that... his flies are undone. Until that day, I'll just snigger quietly behind his back. After all, as the new kid on the block I wouldn't want to rock the boat.
My worst nightmare is... realising my flies are undone only to turn round to see the head tittering behind my back.
Senior management don't know it but... that's OK. We teachers don't want them to know it. In fact, we are all rather glad they don't know it. It makes all our lives easier.
My favourite bit of the week is... cheese flan Friday. Always delicious.
I hate teachers who... talk down to you because you're an NQT. Especially those who secretly make noisy kids work in their stockroom.
Weekends are for... gorging food, burning both ends of the candle and enjoying plenty of drink, before returning to work on Monday to preach healthy lifestyles at your class.
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