If I were ever to go out with Leonardo DiCaprio the likelihood is that our romance would be shortlived. This disappointing, but nonetheless intriguing information has been vouchsafed to me by my younger daughter who has just discovered relationships.
Until two weeks ago 10-year-old Ginny's pocket money went on Flopsy, the magazine for Girls Who Pamper Their Bunnies. Flopsy is a fine publication replete with full-colour posters, useful information about rabbit nurture and adventure stories in which schoolgirl heroines outwit master-criminals intent on abducting pets.
But Flopsy was always much derided in our household. Sarah, from the mature position of a 12-year-old who has seen it all before, would police their bedroom aggressively so that none of Ginny's bunny pull-outs ever came near Sal's collection of teenage himbos culled from Cute, the magazine for Girls Who Know Where It's At (Even If Their Parents Still Say They're Too Young).
But now, I'm sad to say, Ginny has cancelled Flopsy in favour of Lush, the magazine For Girls Who Bow To The Inevitable.
Apart from pages and pages of celebrity gossip, Lush also offers several Know Your Own Personality quizzes and teenage confessions of My Most Embarrassing Moment (usually about meeting this really cool boy at the moment the elastic goes in your tights).
Unfortunately Ginny cannot get enough of Lush and she's already bored Sarah silly with quizzes about What Kind Of Boy You're Likely To Be Kissing Under The Mistletoe and 10 Ways To Find Out If You're A Flirt which is why, as my birthday treat today, I was offered an in-depth analysis of whether Leonardo di Caprio was likely to go steady with me, end up as a friend or throw me over for the next girl who comes along.
While I have no objection to finding out whether or not little Leonardo could respect me I do feel very sad about the way that girls are being fast-tracked into thinking about relationships these days. Years that Ginny might have spent believing she was a schoolgirl heroine are being wasted.
Women are always light years ahead in terms of emotional maturity. If they start thinking about relationships at the age of 10 there's no chance that boys will ever catch up. Or their fathers for that matter. We men need Flopsy Bunny for a level playing field.