1 Tony Blair apologised after an 82-year-old heckler was ejected from the Labour Party conference for shouting 'Nonsense'. What else should he apologise for?
a Talking nonsense
b Jack Straw talking nonsense
c Ruth Kelly talking rubbish
d George Bush being rubbish
2 Police are to be given powers to dispense summary justice, including instant Asbos and fines for drunk and disorderly behaviour. Where will this lead?
a Teacher shortages, as they all leave to join the police
b 82-year-olds asking for fewer police officers on the beat
c Euan Blair being permanently gated
d Charles Clarke talking nonsense
3 Under-fives are being crammed to gain entry to popular primary schools.
Is this a good thing?
a Yes, it's better than having them toddling the streets causing trouble
b No. Five-year-olds will know more about Beethoven's late string quartets than their teachers
c Yes. Year 1 pupils will start shouting 'Nonsense' in class, and teachers can have them forcibly removed
d Definitely not. Nobody likes a smart-arse with milk teeth
4 A pensioner was released from prison early after a mysterious benefactor cleared the council tax she had refused to pay. What will she do now?
a Book a place at the next Labour Party conference
b Teach in a primary school
c Get drunk and be disorderly
d All of the above
5 Primary class sizes are exceeding Labour pledges. What will the Government do?
a Introduce a five-plus exam
b Draft in surplus 82-year-old activists to ease the strain
d Absolutely nothing