1 A German newspaper described Alan Johnson as a 'fully trained postman'.
What does this mean?
a Second-class policies will be delivered late
b He'll sort everything out, and get it all wrong
c Most of what he delivers will be junk
d He'll be given the sack
2 Crime has gone down in a school with police in the corridors. What do teachers say?
a Just think what the SAS could do
b Can I borrow your truncheon?
c Don't go into 4B without riot gear, you fool!
d I don't care who you're chasing, you're not allowed to run indoors
3 Ice cream vans have been banned from school gates. What do teachers say?
a Never mind, there's a chip shop across the road
b They'll be banning the drug dealers next
c At least it gives the police somewhere to park
d In my day you couldn't sit down for a week after visiting Mr Whippy
4 GCSE grades went up in a school where the pupils took fish oil. Where will this lead?
a Fish-oil vans at the school gates
b Japanese whale meat on the national health
c Obese clever kids
d Random sardine testing on University Challenge
5 Older exam invigilators can't spot hi-tech cheating. What do invigilators say?
a Is that a jar of fish oil in your pocket?
b A "Biro"! How fascinating
c What do you mean, you need a wall socket?
d So young, and so many hearing aids
QUIZ ANSWERS: 1a, 2d, 3b, 4d, 5c