1 A swarm of bees attacked a Cumbrian school. What do the bees say?
a It's a honey trap
b Send us Melvyn Bragg and we'll let you go
c So you think we can't fly, huh?
d Soon to be several really bad motion pictures
2 Parents are furious at a school handing out morning-after pills. What do teachers say?
a I use aspirin and black coffee myself
b I preferred it when they got six months off
c My girls are in their prime
d I blame the bees
3 Boris Johnson deplores the shortage of science teachers in schools. Who else deplores what?
a Pupils deplore the lack of sex education in Boris
b Conservatives deplore the abundance of sex education in Boris
c Bees deplore the lack of Boris in honey trap
d Parents deplore the shortage of after-Boris pills
4 The Government is launching a pound;1 billion drive to spot gifted and talented pupils. What do teachers say?
a If you'd only asked me, I'd have told you for free
b Psst, I've got a vanload round the back that's looking really promising
c Brilliant. Now there's no money left to teach them
d I'm going to launch a pound;1 billion drive to spot a talentedgovernment
5 Students reported a teacher who gave exam tips. What do other students say?
b There's a swarm of bees with your names on it
c Oh please, oh please
d That's pound;1billion gone downthe drain