1 A headteacher handed out chocolate to his pupils after none had to be excluded for half a term. What will be next?
a The great sugar rush riots of 2005
b The great tooth fairies' strike of 2006
c The great acne outbreak of 2007
d The great government education fudge of 2009
2 The Pope has created five new saints. What do you have to do to be a saint?
a Teach 2B on a wet Thursday afternoon
b Give chocolates to naughty children
c Negotiate with a mob of belligerent tooth fairies
3 Homer Simpson has been voted philosopher of the decade by experts from Men's Health magazine. What deep questions does this raise?
a Experts in what?
b Has anyone told Homer?
c Do they do saints as well?
d What does all this mean?
4 An expert says that computers damage children's brains. What do teachers say?
a This lot will be all right then
b I never liked the head of IT anyway
c At least their teeth won't fall out
d Define 'damage'
5 A survey has found that one in three people buy books to look intelligent. What books do they buy?
a The Simpsons Omnibus
b The Effective Deployment of Chocolate in the Educational Environment
c The Psychology of the Tooth Fairy
d Computing for Dummies
ANSWERS: 1a, 2d, 3a, 4c, 5b