The worst of weeks

12th August 2005 at 01:00
Hannah Wright charts the days leading up to the arrival of her results

August 1

This is the summer holidays, probably the last in which I will have absolutely nothing to do. But at least my brain is busy. It is busy with unwanted thoughts, unwanted thoughts that keep creeping in no matter what I do - while I was sitting in the sun or laughing with my family on holiday, casting a very large and thundery cloud over my head for the rest of the day. To be more precise, these thoughts are mutinous whispers of failure.

August 5

My stress seems to have projected itself in an unusual way. I have recently become addicted to cookies, to a most worrying degree. My father tried to cheer me up by telling me there was really nothing I could do to change my results (save breaking into SQA headquarters) and I should have maybe worked harder. To be honest, I preferred the comfort of the cookies.

August 8

It is strange to think that there are many other people in the same situation as me throughout Scotland just now. They will probably be feeling the same knot of dread in their stomach and practising the same "well, to be honest, grades aren't everything . . ." speeches. We'll all just have to keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best.

August 9 - results day

I suppose you are almost as curious to find out my results as I was - but probably not as nervous. I got three As and a C. The only thing that has annoyed me is that English was my best subject, but it was my worst grade.

It was the only one I really thought I was definitely going to get an A for.

I know I should be concentrating on the fact that I got an A for physics (and drama and modern studies), but I can't shake off this C. After thinking on it, I've decided not to let it get to me. Exams aren't everything, and the SQA aren't the supreme gods that will dictate the rest of our lives for us (sorry SQA). We should all feel immensely proud of ourselves for even making it through the exam process. I know I almost didn't.

Hannah Wright goes into her sixth year at James Gillespie's High in Edinburgh next week.

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