9th January 2004 at 00:00
Pet hates

The venom was flying in the forums when our posters were asked to share what turned out to be their many pet hates.

The thread started off with school-based issues such as this one: "When you reprimand a kid for their behaviour andor apply a sanction and they go on and on and on and on about what others in the class have been doing."

And this: "Kids who pick their noses in class and carry on even when they see me glaring at them! They're usually the ones who have just borrowed a pen from me, too."

It ended with this full-on pronunciation rant from Selwyn: "Hambag for handbag, tim pears for tinned pears, sangwidge or samwidge for sandwich, people who confuse mitigate with militate, discrete with discreet, flaunt with flout, who think that decimate means destroy, who know no other expression of dismay, disappointment, shock, grief, pain, hurt or sadness other than to say that they are DEVASTATED. Away to the ducking stool with them."

Teachers' TV

The new Teachers' TV channel proved to be an unpopular idea on the forums.

One poster said: "It sounds like a great opportunity to run down teachers and make us look unprofessional and foolish."

Another asked: "Are we talking serious and inspirational or are we talking sensationalist and degrading?"

One disgruntled poster commented: "I'm sure that those who have nothing else to do other than watch minority channels all day will enjoy it immensely. The average teacher will be too busy to bother."

Classroom horror stories

The subject of classroom horror stories is guaranteed to get the anecdotes rolling.

One teacher told of a Year 11 class who locked him in a cupboard in his classroom. An ICT teacher admitted: "One techie whizz managed to get into the school's CCTV and printed off a picture of me coming into school - but only after changing the time so it looked like I was an hour late."

Another poster snitched on a colleague: "A friend of mine was extremely hungover, having, I believe, spent the night in the gym, unable to make it home from the pub. He was asleep on the desk during his Year 10 lesson.

After some time, he raised his head to see the class collapse in hysterics.

A student had, very gently, placed a folded triangle of paper behind each of his ears to create the 'Spock' effect."

But you can't beat this tale for embarrassment: "Teaching practice last year. Trying to be strict, stern and slightly scary to assert my authority.

Anyway, so I am barrelling around the classroom as they work on independent tasks, cracking down on gum-chewing.

"'You! Whatever's in your mouth, I want it in the bin!'

"She drew back her lips to reveal a mouthful of highly complicated braces."

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