In your own time - Ads are a pain in the aria, but puke passes muster

3rd September 2010 at 01:00
As the new term looms, the forums are busy with detested commercials, eBay and slang

Teachers on the online staffroom have been treating themselves to some dedicated TV time before such luxuries become a distant memory. Trouble is, there is nothing on but irritating adverts.

Take the Go Compare ads, where a man with a silly moustache sings the virtues of the price-comparison website. "It sets my teeth on edge," grimaces Book worm. Even the dog howls along with it when it comes on, he adds.

But the "most annoying" prize has to go to the Halifax ads. They are too inane for words, says Jazz2. "I have to at least mute them now. Why are they in a radio station anyway?"

Nobody seems to know. But Derekdalek is sure of one thing: The look on "that woman's nodding face" when she plays "ISA ISA baby" brings him out in a cold sweat.

Henriettawasp "shudders" at the mere mention of it. For her, it is not just the actor's face, but her "mad eyes" that are so disturbing.

And forum users should spare a thought for "us poor science teachers who actually have an 'ISA' (Investigative Skills Assignment) to teach", Henriettawasp whimpers. The moment it is mentioned to Year 10s at her school, they break into the catchy jingle. It is enough to put anyone off tax-free savings for life.

"Budgie smugglers", the Australian nickname for tight-fitting swimming trunks, is another subject that is putting some right off their Horlicks.

Yet the Brits are just as imaginative in the slang stakes, insists the patriotic Nomad. Take the "Croydon facelift", he suggests, or the much-loved "technicolour yawn".

But, as the ever-particular Nutella points out, this is inaccurate: vomit isn't technicoloured. "It's usually yellowy-orangey-brown with possibly the odd flecks of green."

That is perhaps why Deutsch759 prefers the term "parking the tiger". Highschooler shuns them both. For him, it's "pavement pizza" or nothing.

With so many fond terms for vomit, it's almost as if puking has become the nation's favourite pastime.

Not for SleighBelle, though. She prefers to spend her evenings curled up with the laptop, buying things on eBay. "I like waiting 'til the last few seconds to steal something at a bargain price," she confides.

Like a panther, she subtly stalks her prey, but is careful not to pounce too early. "Better to lull other bidders into a false sense of (lazy) security," informs the master.

That is where the appropriately named Lurk-much appears to be going wrong. He always puts in early bids, followed by more hours later, and then again 30 seconds before closing time. His final swipe comes with just four seconds to go. "It never works," he admits.

He is similarly unlucky when selling. Maybe those Halifax ISAs are not such a bad idea, after all.

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