Tuesday I am called out to meet police in flak jackets. They are waiting for Melanie's boyfriend to arrive to return her mobile phone after an earlier dispute. Fine - why the fancy dress? "Nothing to worry about," says Mr Plod, "the boy has a firearm and some live ammunition. Leave it to us."
I have every intention of doing just that.
Wednesday This afternoon we host an LEA meeting in a far-flung part of the school. Officers and councillors arrive (is the owner of the blue car with them, I wonder) and one chap wishes to visit the loo. I give him directions via our labyrinthine corridors. On his return I hear the clanger as I finish saying, "Oh good, you made it.Did somebody help you when you got down there?" He looks startled. "I managed on my own thanks."
Thursday Year 11 pupils invite me to look at their textiles work - beautifully embroidered saris, evening dresses and leisure wear. We then discuss leisure activities and, as ever, they ask me about my swimming.
"How do you do butterfly?" I take off my jacket and demonstrate. Then, like the Pied Piper, I find I have a class behind me, flailing arms and "swimming" across the Damp;T room.
Friday A colleague and I test drive a new sports car after school. The sales rep obviously considers us to be two old biddies. We try the roof up and down, then I take off along the by-pass. It's a nifty little number but my colleague cautions me about the damage to hairstyles when travelling with the roof down. We return the car and resist all pressure to consider a small, reliable little model. I am already calculating the opportunities to weave this in and out of slow traffic on a Monday morning.
Gill Pyatt is head of Barnwood Park high school for girls, Gloucester