The rain has affected most of my class. Several complain of colds and many show evidence of this across their faces. Pleasant. One child shows me a tiny wound on her finger and whimpers dramatically. I gesture for her to read the sign on the door and say in my most sympathetic voice: “Does it say Doctor, Paige?” She grumbles and sits by the radiator to warm her hand.

TUESDAY

I get a mixed reception when I try to elaborate a new song in assembly. I think the children love seeing me jigging around the hall like some kind of loony. I wonder what they are thinking, especially when I rope colleagues into doing the actions. To them, five grown men and women miming a Billy Goat Gruff with a long white beard must seem very strange. I hear the word “sad” bandying around Year 6.

WEDNESDAY

After-school drinks last night have left me feeling a little weak. But I attempt an exciting drama activity. My classroom assistant is helpless with mirth as I do a bad attempt at being Percy the park keeper, with peaked cap and checked scarf. The children, however, are rapt.

THURSDAY

I tell a new boy to get changed for swimming and he comes out of the changing rooms naked. The rest of the class fall about. Luckily a mum comes to the rescue with a pair of spare trunks (who carries spare trunks?).

FRIDAY

Finish off the school improvement plan, otherwise renamed the Bane of My Life 2004. Have tried my best to jazz up this document in a vain attempt to inspire and enthuse colleagues. This involves putting the information in subject-coloured boxes and varying the font. The link inspector is not impressed and returns it covered in red corrections. Spend the rest of the day trying to improve my spelling.

Robin Warren is a key stage 1 co-ordinator and student mentor at Hargrave Park primary school in the London borough of Islington