... because it's spring. The birds are going to and fro between the nest and Ikea, Bill Oddie will soon be back on telly, and the whole of nature is on the move. It's time to put forth a few shoots of your own. In other words, poor sap, you should be rising...
... because you're fed up with being treated like the staffroom junior, having to perch on the window sill with the "You don't have to be mad to work here" mug, while older members of staff occupy the chairs and get dusted by the caretaker.
... because you're getting divorced from the head of games and you need a new start.
... because you've done your stint changing the world. You've run the before and after- school clubs, the English as a second language clubs, the drugs, sex and bullying awareness courses. It's been great, but you used to have a subject and it would be so nice to have a few years teaching it. With children who sit down...
... because you get patronised by the caretaker and mothered by the nice lady who teaches reception. And because you're frightened of the school secretary. You need to be somewhere where you can be a grown-up and no one remembers you as the NQT you were three years ago.
... because getting threshold here is like doing an Olympic pole-vault. Every time you get up there, you hit a bar.
... because you want a challenge before you get too comfortable. You want inner-city or rural deprivation. You've got the energy and the ideas; you just need the problems.
... because you had a fling with the head of games and now he's talking about going back to his wife.
... because you'd like a job at a performing arts school where there'll be more scope for experimental stuff, dance and pupil-written material. There are good facilities here, but the head of drama is obsessed with The... Importance of Being Earnest and A Midsummer Night's Dream.
... because your own child will be starting here in September and it's not cool to have mum around. Anyway, you don't want to be blamed for the little tyke's behaviour.
... because the school down the road is going into special measures and they'll be looking for new blood and ideas. You fancy a walk on the wild side.
... because this head's idea of professional development is a new whiteboard marker. You'd like to be working towards National Professional Qualification for Headship, but you're stuck as head of department and there are some very capable members of staff below you as well. Time for a shake-up.
... because there's nowhere to park at this school and public transport is simply crawling with pupils.
... because you're in a young and exciting school, which is great but causes a log-jam for the jobs above you. Time to move somewhere that has room at the top, or at least a view of the top.
... because you'd like a deputy's job - money not far short of the head's and the stress levels far lower.
... because crowd control and inclusion are wearing you down. You're looking for a job on the other side - not death, but the independent sector, where the classes are smaller and there's less disruption.
... because you're head of design technology and the subject is poorly rated where you are. But the kids enjoy it and for many of them it's a step into the world of work. You want to go somewhere where you'll be appreciated.
... because you're in London and you want to move somewhere cheaper. It's been fun, but sharing a flat at 30 is no longer attractive.
... because you're a deputy head, you did some fascinating project work on integrated services for EBD (emotional and behavioural difficulties) children for your NPQH and you'd love to have your own school where you could put it into practice and really make a difference.
... because you need to go part-time for family reasons and no one here is listening to you. You'd like a head who doesn't think job shares are a problem.
... because you're the head of games and there are two women who are making your life difficult.
... because you're a linguist and, since post-14 languages became optional, you feel your job has been eroded. The only popular option is Spanish and they lose interest once you get beyond Dos Bacardis por favor. You're looking for a nice language specialism college.
... because you're a bloke in primary and you know that means you can do very well very fast. As long as you'll run the football club as well.
... because your present school is way over budget and next year there will be hardly any support staff. You can see your non-contact time disappearing.
Time to go somewhere with a good bursar.
... because you're a Year 6 teacher and you can see what this year's Year 5 have done to your colleague. It's either a new job or body armour and a course in passive resistance.
... because the head's cracked up but won't go. The acting head is looking for a way out. And Ofsted is due next year. The band might be playing on, but for you it's the last waltz on this sinking ship.
... because you're a mathematician and some of these inducements add up very nicely. There's a lot to be said for being a highly mobile shortage subject.
... because it's spring, and if you don't move now, you'll be regretting it when it's dark, cold, and a long time before the next jobs round. Spring is sprung, the grass is ris' - I wonder where the TES Jobs section is?