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Top tips for uni;Diary

ARE your pupils having trouble deciding where to complete your expensive higher education? Help is at hand courtesy of reader Stephanie Segal and her "rather lazy son's practical guide to finding the perfect university course".

The main points are: a) Only consider universities in cities with two Premier League football teams b) only consider cities within close and cheap commuting range of cities with Premier League clubs ( other leagues may count, especially for Cup games; c) after a and b, also try to find a university in a city with a County Cricket ground: d) If you can meet a, b and c, don't bother to read the prospectus. All courses are more or less the same.

Adds the lad's adoring mother: "It's true, honestly, and he's now considering a PhD."

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