a Err, where are the facilities?
b Can I use the staff yak park?
c Do these trees meet fireproofing regulations?
d What's that bear doing?
2 A headteacher sent 1,200 text messages to a member of staff in the room next door. What did they say?
a Help, I've been superglued to the radiator by Maurice in 2B b And he's turned it up full c OWWW!
d All of the above 3 A survey has found that brainpower on waking is worse than when drunk.
Where will this lead?
a Driving while asleep will be made illegal b Teaching while asleep will be made illegal c The Government will recommend a safe upper limit of 21 catnaps a week d Pillows will carry a large black health warning 4 There is a serious shortage of headteachers. Why?
a They're all fed up with being superglued to radiators b They're all setting up yurts in the woods c They're all locked up in duvet abuse clinics d They're all fed up with being headteachers 5 Scientists have discovered that plants produce greenhouse gases. What will happen now?
a The yurt school will have to move to the inner city b School vegetable patches will have to carry large black health warnings c Save the Earth will launch a campaign to cut down the Amazon rain forests d We're all going to die ANSWERS: 1a, 2d, 3c, 4d, 5b
QUIZ ANSWERS: 1a, 2d, 3c, 4d, 5b