a Twice daily gridlock as thousands of irresponsible cyclists all take to the roads at once
b A steep rise in the number of bike sheds, followed by a steep rise in smoking, drug-taking and teen pregnancies
c A steep rise in ridiculously expensive designer bikes
d Children will arrive at school too knackered to learn anything
2 Employers say the nation faces chaos unless schooling improves. What do teachers say?
a The nation faces chaos unless employers improve
b As opposed to what?
c Fat chance. They're all behind the bike sheds
d Come over here and say that
3 Soft-drinks manufacturers say they will stop targeting children. What will be next?
a Oil companies will stop targeting drivers
b The Department for Education will stop targeting absolutely everything
c Employers will stop moaning about school leavers
d Prince Charles will have an idea, and not share it with us
4 Vultures are disappearing from India. Why?
a They've stopped targeting dead cows
b They've come to cluster round the Liberal Democrats
c They've come to cluster round the bike sheds d Without Prince Charles to guide them they have all become obese and too knackered to eat anythiing
5 The Children's tsar says children should take more risks. What should they do?
a Cheat in exams
b Go to India and lie very very still
c Go to school and lie very very still
d Go to school by bike
ANSWERS: 1b, 2d, 3a, 4a, 5d